Condoleezza Rice, who’s making another tour of Israel, has this to enjoy while traipsing through Jerusalem: “Israeli TV announcers coined her name as a verb, meaning to go endlessly around in circles, accomplishing nothing.” At least … it’s not Santorum?
More Incontrovertible Evidence Of Lesbian Activities Condi Caught In Compromising Real Estate PositionWe already knew Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice could bounce a quarter of her ass. But what we didn’t know was that she owns a home with her very closest gal pal Randy Bean. This is probably the hottest, most conclusive proof of lesbian action we’ve seen today. At least since those tawdry Vanessa Hudgens pictures.
Condoleezza Rice Can Bounce A Quarter Off Her Ass Also, She’s Sort Of An Elitist JerkDid you hear? WaPo correspondent Glenn Kessler has penned a bio on his sort-of friend, Condoleezza Rice. And unlike the smear job on Katie Couric, this book casts Rice in a predominantly flattering light.
Highlights include the part where a “close friend” (Coit Blacker) recollects throwing loose change at Condi’s behind to confirm his postulation that “it would bounce right off like a rocket,”* and this bizarre anecdote about the Secretary of State going postal on a jewelry store clerk who had the nerve to show her costume pieces instead of 24-carat bling.
“Let’s get one thing straight,” [the friend] recalls [Rice] saying. “You are behind the counter because you have to work for minimum wage. I’m on this side asking to see the good jewelry because I make considerably more.”
Yep, that’s exactly the sort of collective cool we’ve come to expect from the person charged with the task of overseeing the United States’ foreign relations and overhauling the country’s entire diplomatic infrastructure.
*It does!
Aug 29, 2007 · Link · 1 Response
Education Secretary Turns Down Opp To Date Karl ‘MC’ RoveOver the past year, Karl Rove has proven himself to be a negligible dancer, an argumentative adversary and the unrequited pen pal of heretofore forgotten-about “musician,” Moby. But did you know that in the 80’s Rove wasn’t nearly the debonair “ladies man” you see in front of you today? In fact, Rove apparently spent his Saturday nights holed up in his room, wearing velour tracksuits, and listening to David Bowie records while eating frozen dinners and watching Chevy Chase host SNL, in the good old days before he stopped being funny.
And not dating Southern belle-slash-Secretary of Education, Margaret Spellings.
EDUCATION Secretary Margaret Spellings got blindsided by the Washington Post last week when she went in for an interview about the state of the nation’s schools and was first asked to explain why she turned down President Bush’s deputy chief-of-staff, Karl Rove, for a date back in the early ’80s. Pausing to get over her shock, Spellings responded: “Have you met Karl Rove? He was so inept . . .”
Which almost made us like Spellings for a moment…until we remembered that she has helped draft, implement and enforce the ineffectual “No Child Left Behind Act” legislation, she’s been a key figure in the Bush administration for over six years, she’s a self-described “anal-retentive chowderhead,” and the only reason she turned down Rove (a.k.a. her “political protege”) was that she that kept hoping W. would finally come to his senses, ditch Laura, swoop Spellings off to Camp David, and murmur, “It’s always been you, Marge. Oh, and Condoleezza, of course.”
• How Condoleezza Rice went from the most popular girl in the White House to total social pariah.
• 24 to elect its first female president, much to the dismay of former tv “prez,” Geena Davis and Democratic frontrunner, Hillary Clinton.
• Andrew Lloyd Webber to make the leap from writing/producing trashy theatrical productions to writing/producing trashy reality television.
• Second Life makes it easy for unhappy computer nerds to find salvation in…their computers.
• Chicago Sun-Times too become too liberal for Conrad Black’s liking.
• Campbell Brown leaves NBC to have babies, work for CNN and “do something besides fill in whenever Brian Williams is on vacay.”
• Ever wondered what color Pucci caftan Elle fashion director Nina Garcia wears to the beach? Yeah, neither have we.
Nora Ephron Admits to Ghostwriting Condoleezza Rice’s “Hypothetical” Diary in Yesterday’s HuffPoNora Ephron, who has previously brought us the joys of You’ve Got Mail and I Feel Bad About My Neck, has outdone herself with her latest installation: a blog entry purporting to be Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice’s personal diary.
And while necessarily centered around poking fun at Condoleezza, (for her narrow-minded intelligence, her unflagging devotion to the president and her pretentious habit of lapsing into colloquial French), Ephron’s literary tour de force also takes every opportunity to knock President Bush (”P”) for his less-than-literary tendancies and knocks Laura for being (understandably) threatened by Rice:
But what a week! We had lots and lots o’meetings…And here’s the best thing about those meetings: no Laura. Ever since I accidentally called her husband “my husband,” things have been a little bit sticky between me and Laura. A couple of months ago she was asked if she thought I should be President, and do you know what she said? She said: “Dr. Rice, who I think would be a really good candidate, is not interested. Probably because she is single, her parents are no longer living, she’s an only child. You need a very supportive family and supportive friends to have this job.” Was that a dig at me, Dear Diary? Of course it was. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I do.
Of course, aside from implying that Laura Bush’s remark was fueled by jealousy, Condi’s “diary” also reflects on Barbara Boxer’s latest barb, (which Tony Snow and Karl Rove finally convince her is insulting), and includes Rice’s post-retaliatory thoughts:
I hope the P. sees what I said [in the Times]. I doubt if he will, though, because he doesn’t read the papers. But still, I’m glad I struck back at that Senator Boxer. Was that a dig at me, Dear Diary? Of course it was. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I do.
Poor, innocent Condi. Getting slandered in the press, attacked by fellow-Republican Laura Bush, brow-beaten by resident crazy Barbara Boxer, and now parodied by the author of “When Harry Met Sally.” If only there were someone with similar mitochondrial DNA to step forward in your defense!
Hot Topic: Osama Bin Laden Really ‘Sunk To A New Low’ With Last Season’s Laguna BeachLast week was, as always, another dizzying frenzy of gossip and media-related news. We gave you our up-to-the-minute take, but we’re far more interested in your reactions. Please continue to send us your comments, and every Monday we’ll recap the burning issues and a sampling of your “colorful” responses in “Hot Topics.”
Issue: The unbiased Christian Science Monitor taught us that 9/11 is to blame for our obsession with celebrity culture.
You said: “Here I was, just thinking my obsession with celebs/reality tv was due to horrible taste when, in fact, it was really the all the terrorists’ fault. I feel so validated!”
Issue: U.S. Fashion Designers outlined their argument in favor of malnourished human clothes-hangers and their prominent rib-cages.
You said: “After looking at the fat cows that pass for American women these days, these normal-sized models are a breath of freash air!”
Issue: There are plenty of reasons to hate Condoleezza Rice besides the fact that she has yet to squeeze a baby out of her uterus.
You said: “I, personally, would much rather hate on Condi for the gap in between her two front teeth than for the fact that she has yet to reproduce.”
Issue: Lindsay Lohan offered relationship advice to newly single Charlie’s Angels Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore.
You said: “Not sure a long string of one-night stands really constitutes ‘relationship expertise.’”
CONTINUED »
Jan 15, 2007 · Link · 16 Responses
Five Reasons To Hate Condoleezza Rice Other Than The Fact That She’s Childless, Possibly BarrenRegardless of your political leanings, there are plenty of reasons to hate U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. We’ve even done you a favor and gone ahead and listed a few of them:
1) Condoleezza Rice is probably much smarter than you. And not just in the elitist sense (i.e. the fact that she graduated Phi Beta Kappa and is fluent in five languages), but really, fundamentally, more intelligent. Example: By the time she was three years old, Rice was already taking lessons in French, music figure skating and ballet. (You, meanwhile, were still attempting to fully master the concept of toilet training and receiving praise for the “good days,” when you successfully managed to sit up in your car-seat without drooling all over yourself).
2) Condoleezza Rice is much more powerful than you. Whereas your most important decision of the day is “paper or plastic,” Condi was ranked as the most powerful woman in the world two years in row—2004 and 2005—dipping slightly this past year (hey, she’s a busy lady) to the still-respectable spot of #2. And if you’re still not convinced, she meets with world leaders on a near-daily basis and is currently the fourth person in line to succeed the president.
3) Condoleezza Rice makes much more money than you do. She’s banking over $165,000 a year, and that’s not including the millions upon millions she’ll be raking in for book deals and speaking engagements just as soon as she’s out of office. Her trademark suits alone could fetch a hefty sum on ebay, not to mention the free coasters, pens and napkins Condi’s undoubtedly swiped from the Oval Office. Plus, it probably doesn’t hurt that her job title carries with it plenty of built-in perks, such as free car, free chauffeur, all-expense paid trips to Iraq, etc.
4) Condoleeza Rice, the Secretary of State and fourth in line to ascend the presidency, takes time out of her busy, country-running schedule, to hit the gym—and even make her very own fitness video! That’s right, Condi’s all too aware of the importance of maintaining a healthy, nutritional diet and a solid fitness regimen, (incorporating both free weights and cardio), and she manages to squeeze her hour-long daily workouts in between excruciating 14 hour-long days jampacked with insider meetings and top-level, super secret political strategy sessions. And you couldn’t even motivate drag your unmotivated self onto the treadmill for last night’s episode of Real World vs. Road Rules Challenge: The Duel.
5) That teeny, tiny gap in between her two front teeth.
And so on, and so forth. Point being, without even really trying, we’ve given you five (alright, four) perfectly legitimate reasons for disliking Condoleezza. And yet, the worst thing the Democrats have been able to come up with is bashing her for not having any kids?
Condoleezza Rice came under a shocking Democratic attack yesterday – as a childless
woman who can???t understand the sacrifices made by families of U.S. troops in Iraq. In a bitter personal
assault on the secretary of state during her appearance before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, anti-war Sen. Barbara Boxer fumed that Rice didn’t comprehend the “price” of the war.
“You’re not going to pay a particular price, as I understand it, with an immediate family,” Boxer (D- Calif.) ranted.
Oh, snap! Hillary Rodham Clinton, our (possible) future President/Mother, would never have warranted such harsh accusations.
In A Revealing Confession That Surprises Approximately No One, Condoleezza Rice Professes Her Love For Fox NewsThis morning, U.S. Secretary of State Condi Rice finally let the worst-kept secret in Washington out of the bag when she admitted to having a partiality for the Fox News network.
Although Bill O’Reilly, Brit Hume and Hannity and Colmes each described their reaction as, “one of “shock and amazement,” the rest of the universe was somewhat less than floored by the admission:
Condoleezza Rice let slip her media preferences on Thursday, saying “I love every single one” of Fox News network’s correspondents and also favors CBS anchor Harry Smith.
In comments overheard on an open microphone between morning television interviews, including one with Fox, the top U.S. diplomat said: “My Fox guys, I love every single one of them.”
Undeterred, liberal news host Keith Olbermann plans to “rigorously vie for Condaleezza’s affection” just as soon as he’s done beating the crap out of Geraldo Rivera.
Journalism school may not be totally, totally, totally, totally, totally pointless after all
So, maybe journalism school isn’t necessary for some types of reporting, but we are going to suggest that those of you who want to go into radio start investing in an education. So as to avoid the huge, major, totally bogus, “I don’t know how this happened” fuck-up committed by Dave Lenihan on St. Louis radio station KTRS.
For some outrageous “Corretta Scott King is a communist” reason, Lenihan had this to say about Condoleezza Rice yesterday morning.
“She’s been chancellor of Stanford,” Lenihan said on the air. “She’s got the patent resume of somebody that has serious skill. She loves football. She’s African-American, which would kind of be a big coon. A big coon. Oh my God. I am totally, totally, totally, totally, totally sorry for that.”
He said he had meant to say “coup” instead of the racial slur.
Media people just say the darndest things sometimes. As you can imagine, Lenihan was pretty much fired immediately. However, Ben Domenedouche is, uh, totally still on staff over at the Washington Post.
Host, praising Rice, utters slur; fired [CNN]
More disturbing: Newspaper Association of America or Condoleezza Rice?Sometimes we feel like we have to share the news, even if it really scares us, and leaves us more or less speechless.
After discovering this this haunting image on Fishbowl, we weren’t really sure what to do with ourselves. Come on, this is the Newspaper Association of America. These people are supposed to be our leaders — our role models.
There was one attempt at an explanation made though:
The campaign pushes the point that newspapers are the only medium for which advertising is a destination, not a distraction.
It doesn’t make any sense, but at least it is an attempt to explain this disturbing act.
Which is more than we can say for Condoleezza Rice, who, in a CNN aired conference in Cairo this afternoon (we are looking for the footage, we promise) referred to the English language as “American.” Twice.
Propellerheads at Newspaper Conference [Fishbowl, NY]
USA Today is just trying to be accurateSome may call USA Today’s Photoshopping of this AP photo of Condi Rice unethical, but nobody’s yet asked the important question: Was she wearing Ferragmo boots at the time?
Demonizing Condi [Michelle Malkin]
Rice won’t rule out U.S. troops in Iraq in 10 years [USA Today]
• Jane Pratt’s been spotted at Time Inc. meeting with chief Norman Pearlstine, fueling rumors she’s ready to put out that 35-and-up magazine she’s been chatting about. Meanwhile, Brandon Holley takes a stab at explaining to Jane readers why her name isn’t, in fact, Jane.
• Not even Maureen Dowd agrees with the New York Times‘ fee wall, TimesSelect. While the paper promised its start columnists would offer bonus content for those willing to pay, she’s delivered nothing but her twice-weekly column.
• Chatting with Loud Dobbs, Judith Miller says Patrick Fitzgerald’s “zealousness” and decision to detain her might be justified if he actually indicts everyone. Meanwhile, Lou is hanging on to his grudge.
• Mediabistro editor Liz Spiers is shopping around her first memoir via ICM but, whether it fetches four or six figures, her tenure at the media social club site sounds limited. At least she could get back at Lauren Weisberger.
• Oh, those pesky right-wing conspiracies and political jihads. Mary Mapes, who was at the center of last year’s infamous Memogate scandal with Dan Rather, claims she was the victim of a group of “loosely knit Internet bloggers” who plotted her downfall. Not surprisingly, she’s got a new book out in November.
• Those wacky folks at Fox News are now expanding into a gay dating service, at least for Condi Rice. In a truly bizarre interview with the Secretary of State, FNC’s James Rosen suggested her hooking up with Lauren Green of Fox and Friends. No word yet on if Bill O’Reilly will make this a “talking points memo.”
• Nightline blesses us with Ted Koppel’s departure then reprimands us with a live from Times Square proposition? When will the torture end?
U.S. President George W. Bush writes a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York September 14, 2005.
Numbers one or number two? Because we all know Condi Rice has priorities to way. Like, is it “La di da, a plane is hitting the WTC, but that can wait” kind of urge, or is it “Poo, poo, pa choo, I heard it’s really windy in New Orleans” kind of thing?
A is for AWOL: Dick Cheney pulls a CondiCondoleeza Rice isn’t the only one using Hurricane Katrina as the ideal time for a vacation. While she landed in the gossip blogs’ wrath for picking up shoes at Ferragamo, Dick Cheney has also been enjoying some leisure time.
Exccept the veep is a bigger fan of bait and tackle than he is leather and heel.
“Nobody’s going to confuse Dick Cheney with a warm and fuzzy guy,” Begala said. “You’re not going to send him to be comforter-in-chief. He’s the type of guy who would look at them and growl, ‘Life’s tough. Get back to work.’ Plus he’s busy ruining Iraq.”
And also, he doesn’t quite like black people as much as President Bush. At least for photo ops.
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